First installment of Laurie's "G" block.....G is for grocery of course!

The town where I live has two grocery stores. I have already told you about the Thrifty. Obviously the other store is Safeway as noted by the large picture to the left. Our Safeway was remodeled recently, adding the 17th Starbuck's in a 10 block radius ,(yea capitolism!) a bank, deli, new meat deptartment, on-site bakery, and shopping carts with little cup holders. "Why go home?" is the question I frequently ask myself. Oh ya, the kids...right!
Oddly enough I think the Safeway employees have begun to wonder the same thing about me.
My first clue came the other evening as I was in the check out line (I tend to shop earlier in the day but due to some unavoidable set back....child or pet related to be sure.....I was "late"). The Checker says..."Wow, we were about to send someone out to look for you!" I laughed with her on the outside but on the inside, honestly, I was a bit disturbed.
Next another Checker, (I capitolize out of respect for their dedicated service and constant over-observance to every detail of my life) commented on how she just loved the color of my Jeep Wrangler. Ok.....seriously......are they following me? Are they so concerned about my mental status that they have a security camera focused on me as I pull into the parking lot and suddenly all registers flash "CODE GREEN" or in other words "She's back AGAIN"? I chuckled with her, grabbed my groceries and turned my back to all the security cameras on my way to the car.
Episode 3, this time with a male Checker..."It just wouldn't be a day without you folks coming in!" The look I shot him screamed "What's your point?!"
Ok, I decided..... I can play along. The next day I overheard a customer in the line behind me asking where he could find the soy milk in a box. Ah-ha! Here is my chance...."It's with the oatmeal on isle 5" I blurt out, beating them at their game! Unfortunatley I failed to factor in the after hours coaching the store was offering their employees on the off chance that I eventually caught on to their mental manipulation, and she came back with " She's right! And you can trust her, she's a part of Team Safeway!" Oh! She got me! But I think I have them running a bit scared as I am sure they were behind the phone call I received from my credit card company this morning (under the guise they suspected fraud) asking if I could please verify the last 12 transactions begining with July 10th at Safeway, followed by the 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 13th again, 15th once at the deli and once again at the pharmacy, 15th in the p.m., 16th, 17th and the 17th...all at Safeway? Ok, Ok, I get it....we ALL get it! I'm there a lot.....
Just wait until later today when I show up with a NAME TAG!!!!!

My Husband's Solar System

I decided, the other day, when my husband was trapped in a moving vehicle on the way home from the store, that it was a good time to bring up something I had been wanting to discuss with him for quite some time. Him! This is pretty much the same conversation I have with him every July as we are about halfway through the summer. I call it....."The Size of Your Solar System" speech. Funny how this brilliant man, who can run an entire company, never tries to avoid being stuck alone with me in the car around this time of year. If it were me, I would have it on my calendar in January with the daily countdown ending in a raging case of swimmer's ear....but that's just me.
Anyway, the speech goes a little something like this...." In your solar system, you are the sun, then the next planet is S-X, followed by planet FOOD. That's it. No planet Offspring, or Loving Wife...no planet Long Day, or Constant Arguing....no planet Whining, or Sink Full of Dirty Dishes, or We Are Out of Milk Again.......no planet How Many More Times Does The Cat Have To Pee In The House Before People Remember Not To Let It In Anymore!
For Christmas I think I will buy him a telescope.

Lost in the Lobby

Are you ever faced with one of those split second decisions and in the one milli-moment that could change your life forever you make the wrong choice?
Like the shrimp you bought from the guy parked in front of you at the ferry landing, not connecting it to the conversation you just had with him about his air-conditioning being on the fritz? Or when you knew for sure that there was one more gas station before you got on the Interstate, so you fly by the Shell station smiling and singing something by Rascal Flatts ?
Well yesterday, my very handsome, very athletic, very single, home-owning (with a boat no less!) very ethical lawyer, brother called. As he was riding in the elevator at the fabulous building that houses the posh ( well, small but posh) office of this very ethical, very single brother of mine, the elevator doors open to reveal "a vision" of a woman (No seriously she was real, it had nothing to do with the total sleep deprivation of this extremely hard working very attractive, very single, very ethical lawyer, who would of course limit his hours to 40 a week if he were to find the right woman). The woman that very well could have been sitting across from him at the coffee shop later that day, and shortly thereafter (say within 6 months) sitting across from me, his devoted sister, at the fabulous bridal shower I have had planned since 1998 (ok, I have updated the music but so far that’s the only change).
As he stepped off the elevator, she stepped in. He was then faced with the split second decision to turn around and get back on the elevator and speak to her. But her mesmerizing good looks accompanied by the paralyzing fear of saying something unforgivingly corny, left him speechless and the moment was lost.
Even the ring of the phone sounded a little "off" as he called me later that evening. Fortunately I was already wearing black (due to it’s slimming effects) as he told me about "Lost in the Lobby Girl". The mourning period was short but effective, as I promised to pray fervently that she would again appear to him in the elevator. I told him that my "Thrifty" connections could possibly help him with this, as sometimes it has made my children appear more obedient and helpful, but I couldn’t promise anything. He has chosen wisely to go it alone. Lost in the Lobby Girl could easily become Love in the Lobby Girl by weeks end.

Overboard.....it all sounds so familiar

Have you watched the show "Deadliest Catch" on the Discovery Channel? As much as I don't want to, I find myself strangely drawn to it....it is fast becoming one of my favorite shows... I think it's because of the overwhelming number of parallels between Crab fishing and my life. For all of you who have not seen this show, it is essentially a documentary about several fishing boats that head out into the Bering Sea to fish for two types of Crab. The show profiles the captain and crew and the dangers they face so that we can eat the delicious crab (God bless 'em). Now back to the parallels.....let's just start with this picture here....this looks a little like the kids bathroom the other day as the toilet overflowed....I really could have used one of those orange all weather suits then.
Then there are the forty foot swells that are my 14 year old daughter's emotions.......the horrible smell, working 18 hours on 4 hours sleep, the cramped living conditions, lack of communication, no privacy whatsoever,running out of coffee at the worst times, the unexpected landing on your head, your feet slipping out from under you, the wave upon wave of my daughter's emotions (did I already mention that? sorry) the captain who thinks he knows were he's going and then totally gets you stuck in the ice fields, and no place to "off-load" whenever you like...and finally the ever present possibility of that rouge 60 ft, blonde, tan, leggy wave that is waiting to knock you sideways.........