You don't need Dr. Phil's permission......

"You don't need D. Phil's permission to do jack-squat with your life"---- Dr. Phil-ism
That became quite obvious to me just the other day when I met with the school district yet again! This time I brought in re-inforcements (don't you worry about me...I'll get it eventually) You'll notice our picture to the left....That's Suzanne on the far left, you can see the exhasperation on her face...Carolyn is in the middle with steady patience....and me on the right wringing my hands and avoiding eye contact so as not to burn holes in anything.
The superintendent....we'll call him........"Chris", started the meeting without actually coming into the room. With the door slightly ajar, he gave a short, un-moving speech about how desperately the district wanted to "help" E succeed (translated into english....we are doing our level best to waste as much time as we can so that ultimately we will eat up all of her 7th grade year and half of her 8th grade year and all in all, we will have spent very little time and $ helping your daughter by the time she leaves middle school. Thanks for coming). He then "recused" himself which I looked up later on dictionary.com.
The Head of Special Services then took over. We'll call her............"Maggie". Dressed appropriately in her spring pastel jacket and slacks, but without the slightest idea what to say, she quickly turned the meeting over to the good Doctor seated to her left.Never before in my life have I seen a man "glow" before, well I take that back...I have seen some paintings of Jesus and an angel or two and they were glowing.....it was very similar. With his wings carefully tucked into the back of his dress shirt the Doctor began to speak. The very Doctor whose name the school district provided me, hoping he would agree with them in denying E special services. He spoke of HELP and HOPE and ASPERGER'S!!!!!!!! Most of his words were the very same ones written in the reports and countless e-mails already in "Maggie's" possession, yet for some reason, she wasn't arguing with him. Was it his "glow" that caused her eyes to fix on him and then glass over? When he was done speaking she looked down at E's folder on the desk in front of her and asked "So, is Asperger's part of Autism then?" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!" I thought, my eyes open wide and beginning to dry out. Suzanne managed beautifully to remain seated, although her eyes also took a trip around their sockets...and Carolyn....ever steady....kept her sarcasm to herself..... Can this woman have actually asked that question? She, the HEAD of Special Services, with countless reports and documentation, referring me to the "AUTISM Specialist".....hello.... and E being a patient at the Autism Clinic.....not to mention Google for pity sake...... having a child's education in the balance, and self-proclaimed best interests in mind....turning her down for lack of diagnostic eligibility, she has the @#$% to ask that question?! With supernatural self control the Doctor answered "Yes. It is."
As I was planning how many rolls of toilet paper I was going to need in relation to the square footage of her home, Carolyn moved her hand slightly and patted me on the knee, which of course made me loose my place mathematically...but it was for the best I'm sure.
I was certain at that point that we had reached "bottom" in the "ridiculous questions" category, but before the ink could dry on my notations she asks...."So then, if we WANT to say that E's absences are a result of her Asperger's we can?" IF YOU WANT? Every one of the 640 muscles in my body strained with the desire to rip the pretty little buttons off her pastel jacket, I could hear Suzanne's eyes as they were now swimming in her sockets like trapped goldfish......and Carolyn as her pen flew flawlessly documenting the absurdity. Every word I wanted to say backed up in my throat like a traffic jam.
Suddenly I saw the "pile" "Maggie" was about to step in with her strappy two inch heels, and taking my cue from Carolyn I watched as she placed her foot squarely in the center then attempted to pull it out. "We are so pleased with the way that E has blossomed socially! It is so wonderful to walk down the hall and see her chatting with all of her friends!" "The school has been so good to her. We even walked her to class for the first month at least, and she has a tutor in Math" "Maggie" oozed to the good Doctor, her lashes fluttering. I could stand it no more. I sat up straight in my chair and said "E sits in the counselors office every day alone in the corner because she hasn't any group of friends to chat with, she was walked to class a total of maybe 6 days, and the tutor I asked for in September wasn't provided until the end of May not even speaking to E for the first 3 days!" "Well," said "Maggie" as if I had just insulted her freshly frosted hair, "we don't want to embarass the student by pointing out that they actually have a tutor." SQUISHHHHH! Foot number two was now in the pile foot number one was still covered with. "And we have also offered her summer school" she continued. In disbelief I clarify, "I have spoken with her teacher who recommends strongly that she NOT go to summer school. That the poor behavioral environment there would not be a good place for her." "Well" she said, her chin up and shoulders back, "we have still offered it."Then from over the unused Dixie cups I hear a small voice. It was the counselor I had relied on so much from the beginning of the year. The one who's office I cried in when E wouldn't get out of the car, who read my e-mails filled with frustration for want of help......thinking that maybe, just maybe she would speak on my behalf she stood and said, "I have to go but send me a picture of the horse. I have heard a lot about the horse. "
"Like a rat in a maze "Maggie" scrambled to figure out what forms needed to be signed as she asked me one final question "So Laurie, are you happy now?"

This is a picture of me earlier today, warming up for my meeting with the school district tomorrow.

STAY TUNED!

Lights!.....Camera!......ACTION!!!!!!

Chad and I met once again with the school district last week to hear what decisive and timely action they were going to take on E's behalf. Since there are less than 30 days left in this school year they wanted to appear to be doing everything they possibly can for us by gathering once again around a large, richly stained table, pour thirst quenching water into paper cups with ornate Dixie TM designs, look dramatically at their watches and once again bedazzle us with their ability to use an inordinate amount of words to say absolutely nothing.
I believe that the details of the divorce I filed for following the meeting are a matter of public record. (Just kidding!) I had to take my frustrations out on someone and Chad was the one sitting next to me in the truck on the way home so it naturally fell to him.
Realizing that divorce was not the answer, I decided to put this energy to better use. I have always noticed that the next most productive thing in motivating change is "public embarrassment" so I contacted the media.
Step #1...contact the superintendent by e-mail and let him know that I am done with meetings that produce nothing but sufficient hydration.
Step #2...inform the school district that unless specific change is in effect within 48 hours a birage of hungry media toadies will be descending on our little town ready to over exaggerate the story of the "One Child Left Behind".
Step #3...hit the send button after Cc'ing every possible person within 6 degrees of separation.
Step #4.... wait and wonder if I am going to need to call the Real Estate Agent after all or would a new haircut be enough.
Like Edgar Allen Poe's Tell Tale Heart, the clock beat out the next 17 hours.....had I just ruined my kids life, or was I a brilliantly creative mother forging the path for change?
At exactly 7:00am the next morning my phone was ringing. It was the superintendent letting me know that after we met last Friday (the mtg was actually on Thurs but who's counting) they were persuing a math tutor for E and would let me know when they were able to finalize that.
(Oh Goodie!!! After failing Math for an entire school year, 9 months of meetings, countless
e-mails requesting, begging, informing, enlightening, and begging some more, E may, possibly get a tutor for one class for the remaining 28 days of school. ) To which I responded, "Here's the deal....youv'e got 48 hours to provide me with a list of everything the school has done to help, and to respond to the questions I submitted regarding E's IEP evaluation back in MARCH that have not been addressed due to a dental appointment, or this mirage of the "ideal learning environment" is going to start to crumble.......then I blew the smoke from the barrel of my "gun" and put it back in it's holster.
(disclaimer: no real guns or holsters were used in this incident. This was just a figure of speech used by the writer to allow the reader to picture in their mind one hot mama workin' it).............
They have 24 hours 22.5 minutes........................