Aspie adventures....female style

Doing my best to enjoy parenting a teenage daughter with Asperger's Syndrome.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

No title for this one.....



Are you ready for this? Are you ready for me to say the word "naked" ? Well, ready or not....you don't know the first thing about being naked until you are standing bald in the shower....take it from me, seriously, I know whereof I speak as of this morning....sorry for the visual....but even hair, a little or a lot, makes a huge difference in the showering experience.
I can't even describe (which I think is saying a lot considering the source) what I felt like, standing there.... a cue ball? A hard boiled egg with no shell? THAT'S IT! THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT! Well maybe a hard boiled egg with a smidge of a
Dick VanPatten bad combover.
I know I will have something deep to say about this experience, but right now it is late and I have to pack and the moral of this story will have to wait until tomorrow. This is where I would insert some pun about "eggs" like...let's a-poach this subject again...but my brain is scrambled!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hair or Hairloss seems to be the hardest word



Look at that hair...that georgeous head of hair...I want hair just like that! You think I am joking but I am not. There is so many wonderful things about Bill Gates' hair....it's growing...it's connected...it needs to be cut occassionally...it's not made of recycled 2 litre bottles! I am jealous of that fabulous head of hair!
Check back in 6 months to see if my hair looks as good as his....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

What?




Could somebody help me? There is a question that I just am not quite sure how to answer any more. I knew how to answer it before.....for years and years and years I answered it the same way....but now all of a sudden I am stumped...at a loss for words maybe.......nahhhh that can't be it......that's only happened once I think....just kidding....it's never happened....anyway, we could argue that all day...here's the question...."How are you today?"
First off, we can rule out "Fine" cuz' I'm not fine....I don't want to give some cutesie pat answer because that will just sound like some cutesie pat answer...
I don't want it to be fake or phony or condescending.....nothing "corny spiritual"...ok so where are we now....no cutesie, pat, fake, phony, corny spiritual,...I don't want to lie...well...I don't want to lie about this....don't get me wrong, I want to lie as much as you do in the course of the day...like if your friend has totally gone awry on her latest choice of Loreal hair color...or the lady sitting next to you at the airport asks if you would mind if she changes her baby's "we just tried prunes for the first time" diaper right there instead of using the changing table in the Ladies room that is 10 feet away.....you get my drift (the 80's just called and they want their phrase back)....bottom line...don't want to lie...
So now what? Really....I'm asking....what do I say? Cancer here, there and everywhere?..radiation?...tired?...yada yada....can you yada yada cancer? (who got that?)
What would you say?

Friday, October 24, 2008

What do you get when you cross an unattended stallion, a sunny day, a bored mare and an invisible property line?


Answer: Pregnant! And this time it's for real...I promise....I know this because I saw the vet stick his arm in up to his shoulder and describe the inner workings of my horse. Then, just to be sure, we, we as in he, stuck a camera in there and we saw that baby on ultrasound. We also saw poo but that's not a big deal....not near as big as seeing the baby.
And that isn't where the fun ends...at least not for me....because I get to pick names...a boy and a girl...just in case.
I like names that have meaning....that tell a story....the story of how this foal was conceived...daddy jumping two sets of fences to get to mommy....how about "Forest Jump" if it's a boy?
Let's think about it for a while....let me know what you think.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Eeeeeeeekonomics and the Wi-Fi cowboy




Ok, show of hands, who's has had to self-medicate at least once over the recent stock market/bank/insurance/retirement fund/housing market/gas prices thing? That includes all carbohydrates after 7 p.m.....well you are not alone....my husband has been doing it too. I think most husbands worth their salt are doing it! I love the fact that he is looking out for our future. So here's the plan that was arrived at after the consumption of mass amounts of a bearclaw pastry over the weekend.

Land.

Land he can retire on, paid for, where he can become a cowboy....and the search began...land land land land land, where is affordable land? Found it! Oh he was excited....7 acres, plenty of room for a few cows and a horse or two....in a gaited community....with Wi-Fi to every lot...
oh give me a home....where I won't be alone....where my computer can work all the time, where my cell phone is heard, and I won't miss a word...and the land that I live on is MINE!

disclaimer: no one is going anywhere...who can afford it?!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Don't eat the poppy seed muffin because it might affect the drug test that the school administration is going to ask for later....it's a long story



This is a very random post today. A chance for me to vent a little because there is no one here but the dog...and to be quite honest, I think he is just as tired of this whole mess as I am.
It was another battle this morning to get my eldest child off to school....it's a long long story that has been going on since kindergarten, which is why both the dog and I are beyond tired of this....and he has only been around the last 3 years of this mess.....
This situation is like an octopus in that it has one main body but many appendages...so if an octopus had more than 8 legs, that is what it would be like....say a decapus or centipus....
Part of the main body, say, the mouth, is when she comes to me daily complaining of some extreme trauma having to do with school and begging, nay, beseeching my intervention on her behalf, with the school administration. Translation: "Mom, can you email my teacher and tell them about all my problems and that because of these problems I didn't get my homework done?" Or the more literal translation....."Mom,can you get me out of this?"
Sometimes when this happens I hear a teenager just being a teenager, and other times I hear an Autistic cry for help....dang these mother's ears anyway!.....so time after time after time after time after time after time after time after time infinity, I contact the school for whatever help seems appropriate. Having been alerted to the severity of the situation they approach my daughter the next day to help her handle the fragile state she claims to be in only to find out, by her own admission, that she is "just fine". Over time this exact scenario has repeated itself dozens and dozens of times...actually bringing someone in the school district to the assumption that "mommy must be on drugs or something". Which is why, when I went to get coffee this morning, I passed on the poppy seed muffin and got the apple scone instead. Just in case.

Friday, October 03, 2008

"Outback" in Anacortes






Recently our local hospital did some remodeling.I do believe, after spending some time there yesterday, that they hired the crack team of designers from the Outback Steakhouse to create their new foyer and check-in system. You see, my Dr.'s office called yesterday and the Dr. would like me to have my blood drawn again just to double check some results. The office is located about 1.5 hours away so the easiest thing to do was to go to my local hospital and have my blood drawn there and send the results to my Dr.'s office. Doesn't that sound simple? I thought so too! So I set off to the newly remodeled hospital. I pulled into the updated and now very distant parking lot and made my way to the door. With a loud swoosh the doors opened to......nothing....kinda like the space where the shopping carts go when you first walk in to Fred Meyer....it was like that...but there was nothing there, no gumball machine, no hot tamales, no plastic rings nothing....... So I head down the hallway....a very long hallway..... passing a desk for Emergency Check In....thank goodness I wasn't bleeding or had a full bladder....I mean why isn't the ER desk in the open area Fred Meyer part? You know, close to the door?
Next to the ER check in was a big sandwich board sign that said "All other check in" with a large arrow and instructions to go to the blue light. I follow the sign and look for the K-mart style blue light...right? It said to go to the blue light. Passing desk after desk I saw no blue light.....then around the corner there is another desk with a large , elongated blue glass chandelier suspended from the ceiling droping low and sexy over the desk. I stop. A small sign approximatley 4 feet from the desk read "For the privacy of our patients, please stand behind this sign." A gentleman stood in front of the sign, presumably in the cone of silence, answering the questions asked him by the woman behind the desk. After overhearing his name, number, insurance carrier, and when he had his last bowel movement, it was my turn. "Hello, and what are we here for?" asked the woman. "I am here to have some blood drawn" I answer. "Do you have your paperwork?" "No, my Dr. just called it in about 30 minutes ago" I replied. "Called it in??????" her face squnched into a confused expression. "Let me check" she said as she turned to a small cardboard box that used to be a large cardboard box containing Scott toilet paper at Costco and had been cut down to hold faxes from Dr.'s offices. She pulled out a piece of paper "Your name?" "Laurie." "Your birthday?" "September 28." "Is this it?" she asks, showing me a fax from last February. "Uhhhh, no...this is from last February" I answer. "Well, maybe it's upstairs. I will call and check." She dials a sequence of numbers and begins to tap her fingers on the desk beneath the low, sexy, blue chandelier. "Hello?.....Is this upstairs or downstairs? Ok" and she sets the receiver down. What? What do you mean is this upstairs or downstairs? Is there only one phone? Or two extensions and if the wrong floor answers you have to hang up and dail again hoping that the person on the desired floor is a little quicker on the draw next time???
Staring at the phone briefly the woman then suggests we call the Dr.'s office and ask them to fax the information to her station. Sounds reasonable to me and I hand her the Dr.'s card. She picks it up and her hand reaches toward the receiver ......"OH!" she says with great concern. "This is a long distance number. Do you have a cell phone that we can make this call on?" "Are you kidding?" the voice inside my head responds while my mouth utters "No." "Well, I am going to have to get permission to call long distance...just a minute" she says as she spins out of her chair and heads off to who knows where. As I watch her head down the long hallway I lean back in my chair under the soft glow of the blue glass chandelier and wait.
After a while she reappears and reaches for the receiver, punches the number in, not sure of wether or not she should have dialed 9 first , and then shakes her head and rolls her eyes like this is somehow putting her out. She instructs the person on the other end of the line to fax the information to her and ,unable to remember the fax number, scrambles for a hospital business card. Placing the receiver back in it's place she instructs me to sit on the green sofa while she waits for the fax. I glance to the right and arranged living room style are two green sofas, a large leather ottoman and two stripped chairs with built in end tables. The chairs were directly across from the sofa and looked far more comfortable, but I began to wonder what kind of rule I would be breaking if I chose the chair over the green sofa I was instructed to sit in.....would she be able to find me? Would I have to go to the end of the line? As I stood in the midst of my dilema she approached me with a slip of paper and a buzzer.....like the ones at Outback Steakhouse. "When the buzzer goes off I will tell you which desk you need to go
to-bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Uhhhh desk number 1" ,she says as she points to the chair 3 feet from the chair I was just sitting in. After taking two steps to the left I sit in the next chair and begin the process again, this time with a woman wearing a nametag that read "Check In Specialist". "Your name?" asked the specialist....."Laurie, has any of your information changed?" "Ok then," she said handing me the same buzzer, "Please have a seat on the green sofa and when this buzzer goes off someone will come out and get you." What a relief to be in the hands of a specialist during this difficult time of disclosure I thought to myself. And why did they even buy the comfortable looking chairs if we aren't allowed to sit in them?
Within microseconds of sitting down the buzzer vibrates, makes a loud noise and 6 or8 little red lights begin to flash at random. So I look around.....no one is coming to get me......tapping my foot I look left and right and still there is no one. Blue chandelier woman gets up and heads over to me and with more than a bit of frustration in her voice says, "The woman down there is waiting for you" and she points to a woman on the other side of the building, standing there silently, with a white lab coat and a clipboard, standing next to a few dozen other hospital employees in white lab coats with clipboards.... like I was somehow supposed to know without hearing my name.....which they can't say outloud evidently, due to HIPA laws....hence the elaborate Outback Steakhouse buzzer system...that this particular employee , 50 feet away, was waiting for me.
After thanking blue chandelier woman, I walk to lab coat woman. "Please place your buzzer in the bin" she instructs. I look down and see a wire basket full of Outback Steakhouse buzzers and wonder briefly if they have hired someone solely to collect the buzzers and deliver them back to the blue chandelier woman. Hmmmmm.
I take a seat in the lab chair and greet the other lab tech in the room with us. She turns around and informs me that Doris....white lab coat woman.....has "mad skills" at drawing blood. Phew!!!!! Good information to have when your sitting in that chair about to have your blood drawn. And sure enough, Doris has mad skills! Doris was also mad that the other lab tech had not shown up to cover her for her break. This she mentions as she pokes the needle deeply into my vein.
"How long will it take for the results?" I ask "mad skills" Doris........"3-5 days" she responds........
Would it speed things up if I had a buzzer?

Free Counter
Online College Degree