It's been a "krappy" day

Oh it started out normal enough. It's Tuesday so we are up early for Chad's paper route. He doesn't really have a paper route but he does deliver newspapers for some publisher on the island just because he is on this side going to that side. So they pay him to carry the papers over once a week. It's great. It pays for all the environmentally sound cleaners and deodorizers and repellents I purchased today anyway.
Anywhoooo, I poured myself a cup of coffee (which Chad made by the way) and started my morning routine. At 7 am I headed upstairs to wake J for school. HOLY MOSES!!!!!!!! The smell that hit me when I opened J's door was horrid. This was not a human smell. I began the search, sniffing as I went. FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! A teeny tiny pile of cat poo, that rivaled anything I have ever smelled before. After waking J, I ran downstairs for the paper towel and some carpet cleaner and....."vvvwlaaaa" clean as a whistle! The rest of the morning was it's typical chaos and all was right with the world. That is until I came home from errands. HOLY MOSES!!!!!!!!!!!!! The smell that hit me when I opened the front door was more horrid than before. There on the stairs before me was a giant pile of dog poo. You have GOT to be kidding me! I reeled the rest of the paper towel off the holder and proceeded to clean it up....two stairs full. I scrubbed and deoderized with the goal that not one foul smelling proton or neutron would survive....and "vvvwlaaaa" clean as a whistle. With all the cleanser gone and a need for halibut marinade I headed off to the store. I chose Food Pavillion because the lines are shorter this time of day....I picked up more cleanser and marinade and jumped back into the car. The phone rang as I pulled into traffic and J informed me that the dog had now thrown up on the carpet and could he please eat his snack in his room because it smelled so bad?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!! With synapses firing I asked Joe to check the paper towel supply, and sure enough we were completely out! With a donut like spin I swerve into the Safeway parking lot for some paper towel. Prepping myself for more vile disgusting-ness and armed with fresh cleanser and a 6-pk of paper towel I open the door....HOLY MOSES!!!!!!!!!!! The smell that hit me when I opened the front door was not that of barf....oh no.....it was reminiscent of something worse, much worse....something along the lines of a high fever combined with bad mexican food.......it was toxic but I had to go in! Oh don't get me wrong, there was barf alright but wait, there's more!!! The top two steps were dripping with molten illness. I wasn't sure the rubber gloves I slipped on were going to hold up to what I was about to subject them to. Let's see, shop vac, carpet cleaner, oxy-clean, paper towel, water, deoderizer, all purpose cleanser, organic enzyme odor eliminator....mixing and pouring like a chemist I attack the giant brown stains...then with a systematic back and forth motion I suck the concoction up into the shop vac. Pour and vac, pour and vac....I will not rest until every carpet fiber has been cleansed. Finally I was satisfied that the carpet was clean enough to remain in my house for two more weeks at which time I will rip it stair from stair and replace it with fresh new chemically treated, non deficated on carpet...ahhhhhhh
Next I tackled the barf....piece of cake...or not...I don't want to know....at least it's clean now......but what's that smell? And how did the cat get in the storage closet? I think I'll just call the Realtor tomorrow.