Letter to Oprah upon request

Dear Oprah,
At 36 years old I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer or Ductal Carcinoma Insitu. It was the last thing in the world I imagined would happen to me. Only a few short years before my mother and my best friend's mother had been diagnosed with BC. Children are supposed to be older when this happens...mine were 3 and 7.

My mother took the route of traditional medicine and survived but my friend's mother sought more natural forms of treatment and we slowly watched her slip away.

My cancer was found during a routine mammogram. At 27 I had breast reduction surgery and was required to have a mammogram....for some reason I just kept having them each year. Even with my mother's history my Dr. didn't recommend having them until age 40. I don't think I ever would have turned 40 as it turns out.

What they found in my "perfect" new breast were just specs. Little tiny white specs that looked like a grain of salt. How do little white specs rob children of their mother? History of great women? Babies of their Grandmas and Aunts to role model love? There was no lump, nothing I could feel....on the outside at least.

They were malignant...now what? They tell you "you're lucky" but you don't feel lucky, at least not at first. Not until you go to your first oncology apt. and sit in the waiting room. Husband's clutching their wives... and children who have never seen their mom w/o a scarf on her head...all of a sudden you ARE lucky.

I was in the bath when the phone rang. .... the call....I looked down at my breast and cried and felt so betrayed. I thot of everyone but myself for the first few minutes. My husband....my children.....my mom.
So many feelings...life/death/fear/courage/grief/relief.

I am full of fear but I am alive....my children's mother is alive. It has been 6 years and I am still here. I can't read magazines in October, or attend support groups, or try on clothes. Mine is not a success story but I am a survivor.